Indie Author

Finding & Creating Beauty in Unlikely Places

Date: February 27, 2016

Poem: 3 Truths 1 Lie

Trying to love you
has become a decades-old lie
faking forced affections feels
something like hate
the answer-less question
“why is this so hard?”
breeds surface excuses like
what do you expect when you throw an ex-Goth, Neo-hippie in the same enclosed space with
a camo-wearing, Solo cup song-loving, ex-cheerleader
vying for the attentions of the same man
who could love us both separately
but not equally
one of us always having to lose
our unspoken lie
that we never noticed
or pretended that daily tug of war between us didn’t exist
all the while the walls closing in on me with every
late arrival
every unpaid loan
due to your lack of interest
every time you left a mess for me to clean up
abandoned room, clothes still on hangers, no forwarding address
your could never look past your oceans of entitlement
your U-O-M-E’s
to see the faces or hearts of the loved ones you dragged under
too busy running away from yourself
or maybe from me
because the truth is I could never trust you
and I wish I could tell you that
without being cruel
but no matter our polar likeness
how can I confront you with our fraud
to speak what-deep down- we both know
that if I could have loved you
I would have welcomed that blindness
because forgiveness is a foreign country I’d like to visit
and healing as unfathomable
as continuing to live this lie.

The Pg 69 Test: Feature of TNBBC

Lori was kind enough to let me put my novel, Tomorrow Is A Long Time, to the “page 69 test”. It was fun to do.

Check out the results on The Next Best Book Blog!

Poem: What Are You Afraid Of

So I do Poetry Fridays with my students, and lately we’ve been watching Brave New Voices and I’ve been inspired to write again. I’m turning out poems! Here’s one I wrote today. Our topic was write about what you’re afraid of:

my brother
I am also afraid of myself
I’m afraid of where my mind goes
where Fantasy
iron diamond
my realities distorted
can never be as intoxicating as who I
imagine you to be
a puzzle doll
pieces of me
I’m afraid that I love so quickly
affections like when I recognize myself in that pain
behind your eyes
can’t get it out of my head can’t reconcile that
mirror brother
like I want to lick your tears
like my demons and yours are bed-partners and loss
runs thicker than blood
twin light dark and I can’t rescue you
but the likeness in you resurrects all I thought I’ve overcome
and it scared me that I haven’t fully moved on and maybe
we never do
but I take twisted solace in the knowing
it’s a thing not a you
kinship that stings like love
split skins that mesh black magic.

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