The heaviest regret is silence
anchored in my core thicker
than cement the tissue has
grown up
around
and attached
it is rooted
a permanent fixture
in all those
words I never said
made manifest deafening in
consequence
like when Fear was a clamped hand
over my mouth its bony white fingers
I imagined were the skeletons of your
threats, little did I know
that twenty hours
Skittle handfuls of Zoloft
a box of syringes hidden behind your
desk
the pink flesh game of chess you
rip-skin played on the canvas of your
arms and legs spelled the necessity
that I
in my coward’s clothes
was unwilling to shield you with
I abandoned your vices to your own
devices
the lie I whispered through stitched lips
said my warning would make it worse
that stiff breeze would shift your dangling
feet off the precipice edge what it failed to
tell me was that your toes inched slowly
one bloodied day after another
in silence I watched you suffer
shuffle to the mantras of your own
incessant whispers
soldered in and I convinced myself
that I was the best one to help you
in me you trusted
to me you handed those ashes
you said spit in them and I will see
again
but my Messiah’s robes were
counterfeited¬†by coward’s clothes
no faith
to turn your wine to water with
no faith
that with my outstretched hands
you’d walk on it
instead of swallowing all that salt
I tread riptides of regret
its serrated tips pierce my tongue
and I swallow tsunami oceans
of all you went through.